A surprising things happens while this Texan is leaving a voicemail and he narrated the entire incident perfectly. When you visualize this story in your head, try not to imagine the Monty Python women or Dana Carvey as The Church Lady.
You should, like, strongly considerÂ applying to work for this guy:
We want to add some talent to the Sarasota Herald-Tribune investigative team. Every serious candidate should have a proven track record of conceiving, reporting and writing stellar investigative pieces that provoke change. However, our ideal candidate has also cursed out an editor, had spokespeople hang up on them in anger and threatened to resign at least once because some fool wanted to screw around with their perfect lede.
We do a mix of quick hit investigative work when events call for it and mini-projects that might run for a few days. But every year we like to put together a project way too ambitious for a paper our size because we dream that one day Walt Bogdanich will have to say: â€œI canâ€™t believe the Sarasota Whatever-Tribune cost me my 20thPulitzer.â€ As many of you already know, those kinds of projects can be hellish, soul-sucking, doubt-inducing affairs. But if youâ€™re the type of sicko who likes holing up in a tiny, closed Â office with reporters of questionable hygiene to build databases from scratch by hand-entering thousands of pages of documents to take on powerful people and institutions that wish you were dead, all for the glorious reward of having readers pick up the paper and glance at your potential prize-winning epic as they flip their way to the Jumbleâ€¦ well, if that sounds like journalism Heaven, then youâ€™re our kind of sicko.
For those unaware of Floridaâ€™s reputation, itâ€™s arguably the best news state in the country and not just because of the great public records laws. We have all kinds of corruption, violence and scumbaggery. The 9/11 terrorists trained here. Bush read My Pet Goat here. Our elections are colossal clusterfucks. Our new governor once ran a health care company that got hit with a record fine because of rampant Medicare fraud. We have hurricanes, wildfires, tar balls, bedbugs, diseased citrus trees and an entire town overrun by giant roaches (only one of those things is made up). And we have Disney World and beaches, so bring the whole family.
Send questions, or a resume/cover letter/links to clips to my email address below. If you already have your dream job, please pass this along to someone whose skills you covet. Thanks.
1741 Main St.
Sarasota FL,Â 34236
[via Mother Jones]
In which the venerable Chuck Klosterman writes anÂ article for Esquire in 2005 about Val Kilmer , and the surreality of the man I still think of as Chris KnightÂ . Klosterman is never dull to read and manages to write a genuinely fun celebrity piece, based around the fact that Val Kilmer is both genuinely nice and very, very weird.